Why you do not need to force yourself to play with children
People who are interested in playing with cars or dolls certainly have some kind of superpower. For others a game with a child often turns into a boring duty.
The game is about communication and energy. Both children and adults benefit and enjoy when there is sincerity. If the mother gets real pleasure when she does her makeup in front of the mirror – the daughter will imitate her. If daddy enjoys playing computer games – the child will connect: climb on his knees, look at the screen and press the buttons. ⠀
But when we sit down and play under the wrath of parenthood thinking about work problems or about the TV series, the child won’t believe us. And it’s better not to play at all than like this.
Why aren’t parents interested in playing with children?
- A parent has no resource: emotional or physical
- They often compare themselves to certain standards and think that they are playing the «wrong» way
- A lot of people think they look stupid or crooked. That’s why parents are often jammed in the game
- Parents think the game is a waste of time. They should educate the child, not play! ⠀
Why does it happen? In our culture, there are two wrong educational tools – shame and guilt. They were cultivated for generations (the son of a friend’s mother is always better than you). We always find a reason to feel shame, constantly want to exonerate ourselves, and wait for the approval of the «elders».
Shame is a directed feeling. We always feel ashamed of someone. It’s important to understand the direction of our shame.
Listen to whose judgmental voice says you’re not good enough as a parent? It’d probably be a whole choir of voices. Hear them. Try not to get angry or offended. Tell yourself that you have no one to make excuses for. You’re an adult and a free person. You’re not guilty of anything, and you have no reason to feel ashamed.
- Understand that the right games don’t exist ⠀
- Not to organize the game specifically. It can be a simple activity, in which the parent himself will catch the pleasure – blowing bubbles, destroying the towers of cubes, lying on the floor
- Do not play when you do not want to
- Understand that half an hour of involved contact is better than 24 hours of background one
Recently «a good enough parent» term has been used in psychology and pedagogy. It means that a parent is good enough to make a child happy.
Half an hour a day, but production is better than a boring 4-hour game. By accepting it you can finally make contact with your child. Just know that the best parent for your child is you!