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Why are we afraid of having children?

Parents Tips
fear of parenting

The main reason not to have children is honest irrational reluctance, just «I don’t want to» and that’s all. That’s the norm and everyone’s own business. But there are also understandable fears, because of which people postpone the birth of a child at the «best of times». Basically, they are associated with loss of usual comfort and big responsibility.

Fear №1: It’s expensive

The child requires a lot of money, so you will either have to save money or look for additional sources of income – to turn a penny, to rent an apartment, and so on.

But «expensive» is a relative concept. The market for child goods and services is huge, and prices vary greatly. Everything depends on your health status (objective indicator) and requests (each has his/her own). For some people, constant consultation with a doctor and treatment is a necessity, and for some people pregnancy itself is easy and constant spending on visits to the doctor and medicines are simply not needed. And experienced parents generally say that overpaying – the stupidest thing you can do when you have a child because the kid grows up so fast.

Fear №2: Kids interfere with the career

Yeah, a long vacation can have a bad effect on your career. A woman gets a position one step lower than before maternity leave as a rule. But even then employers are not in a hurry to invite a young mother to work: everyone understands how many parental responsibilities there are.

But on a short vacation, you can relax from the office and decide on plans for life.

A decree from six months to a year will not hurt the work, skills, and knowledge will not be lost. It is important to want to pursue a career, to keep in mind the news about your profession, to read professional literature, and to listen to experts.

Besides, it is easier than ever to work from home. There are a lot of opportunities and many managers during the quarantine have realized that «it is unreasonable to work the old way».

What to do: Do not stay on maternity leave too long. Honestly discuss with your partner how you will distribute your childcare responsibilities. If possible, ask your parents to take over some of your care. Talk to your boss: A valuable employee will probably be heard. And start to look for nannies and domestic staff – it often takes a long time to find people you need.

Fear №3: Pregnancy and childbirth can be dangerous for health

Only 37% of births go smoothly.

The most common difficulties are hemorrhages and birth defects, such as when the process is too slow. This can cause oxygen deprivation and lead to a child’s neurological disorders.

Frequent pathologies during childbirth are confirmed by the statistics of cesarean sections – there are more and more of them every year. It happens that the woman insists on the operation because she is afraid of pain, but it is rare. Most doctors do cesarean sections when they assume that something may go wrong (it is a planned operation), or there is an emergency situation already in labor.

Pregnancy and childbirth is not the most pleasant, but a natural process. Women gave birth thousands of years ago and will be giving birth in the foreseeable future.

There are no serious reasons to be afraid of it: it is kind of a routine task for physicians. Most of the possible scenarios are known and worked out to such an extent that it is extremely unlikely that doctors will not know what to do and will be unable to help.

What to do: look for a doctor that you will fully trust. The easiest way is to ask for a recommendation from someone you know, but even then you may have to go to several specialists to compare their approaches.

If despite all the difficulties you want to have a child, do not be afraid of anything. Many anxieties are inflated by the media or toxic relatives. Young parents do have many problems, but the vast majority of them are solved – with the help of money (so it is very important to save up) and helpers (relatives or nannies).

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