Vagaries and hysterics: 10 parental mistakes that cause a child to misbehave
Childish hysterics and aggression are a parent’s biggest problem: they don’t understand what to do with a child’s behavior or how to stop it. It happens when parents aren’t upbringing or respond incorrectly to children’s needs.
In this article, we will talk about the 10 signs of parent’s acts that can cause children to misbehave.
Parents don’t hear their child
Nobody screams for no reason, not even a kid. And if vagaries and hysterics are the only way of baby’s communication with parents, it means they don’t hear their child when he (she) calmly informs them about their needs.
Try to pay more attention to your son or daughter. The most important thing is not to ignore his/her questions or requests. Speak and explain something to your child slowly and quietly. The child should know that you are interested in communicating with him\her.
Many parents often forget that they have to communicate with their children. Not only to ask questions like: “How are you?”, but also to talk about your own day, discuss situations, interesting moments.
As a result the mechanism of successful communication will be launched. That time that you spent with a child qualitative (in the game, communication) will ensure that your child is safe, and won’t pay your attention in an alternative way.
Parents think that hysterics is a way to manipulate
You have to know that the baby can’t understand a logic loop of analysis – conclusions – actions. Their brain is not ready for this kind of operation (up to 7 years).
Hysteria can be either a way to reach out to adults, or indicates that parents are idle about searching an approach to the child and don’t explain why something must be done now, and something couldn’t be at all.
A parent demands the impossible
It happens when a parent doesn’t know the child’s age specifics and requires things that the child hasn’t matured enough.
For example, the mother wants to take the child home from the playground, where he/she is passionate about playing. She does it sharply and doesn’t realize that her baby (due to his or her age) can’t switch quickly from one activity to another. But the mother demands the obeying and gets mad at the child.
Parents don’t understand the true causes of a child’s vagaries
Sometimes the baby cries because he or she wants to sleep, drink, and get attention. And the problem could be solved just with a glass of water or a warm hug. But mom\dad doesn’t understand it.
Mom wants to walk around the mall and update her wardrobe for three hours. Then she gets mad about why the baby doesn’t share her wishes?
Mom and dad don’t explain to a child what’s going on with him/her
You have to tell the baby what’s going on with him now. This is how he (she) is learning to identify his feelings and needs; to explain them and to understand how to act in different situations.
For example, you can say: “I understand that you are tired right now. Let’s eat and go home.” But if a parent doesn’t realize what the problem is, then he can’t explain anything, and certainly stop the hysteria. So, the child has the feeling: “I’m not understood / not heard”. And he will try shouting to the adults more and more until they understand it.
A parent «fight» with a child
This happens when mom and dad can’t defend their personal boundaries. They can’t explain that mother and dad should have time for themselves too. It makes him unnecessarily anxious. And the child hasn’t other mechanisms for expressing emotions than crying and screaming.
The parent ignores the hysterics of the child
Sometimes adults are unable to withstand the emotions of the child, it is easier for them to close and not react in any way. But for the child, mom and dad is the whole life, he will not survive without their care. And when parents close, he is worried about that and ready to do anything to return the lost attitude.
A parent leaves a child without love
It can sound like: “You are behaving badly, so I won’t hug/play with you/pay attention to you anymore” and others. Such phrases can sound very cruel for kids, they may feel vulnerable and unnecessary. And in this case, hysterics can’t be avoided.
Parents shaming a child for his emotions
Shame is one of the hardest feelings to get over. And the child can’t do it at all, especially without the support of an adult. If you or your husband say in a public place: “I’m ashamed of you! Do you see how other people look at you?” – is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child. It would be difficult to control his\her emotions after these words.
The parent suppresses the child’s hysterics with a scream
Very often parents think that they can show to a kid who’s in charge here. In this way, the problem will only get worse. The child remembers the demonstrated form of communication and will talk with you “in the same language”. It is also important to understand that it will be a moment when your children grow up and will scream out at you.
What to do in such situations?
There is only one and the best thing that you can give for children – it’s your love. It will give you the necessary resources and wisdom to understand your children and help him\he to deal with emotions.
After all, everyone needs love. That someone very close hugs us, calms down and talks about our mistakes when we feel bad.