The kids fighting: reactions and actions of parents
Kids fighting is a common phenomenon in families with two or more children. Most often kids fight over material objects (toys, food) or one of the guys said or hurt a brother/sister. But there is another reason for the fight and it is harmless. Healthy children can fight just for fun. The process of fighting gives them pleasure, children think it’s cool. Even if one of the children (often the youngest child) can cry for the fact that the older brother hurt him, in the end, the child still wants to provoke a fight with his sister or brother. It sounds weird, but it’s true.
A short description of the basic reasons for the emergence of child’s fights
- Fighting is a way to draw the attention of adults to children’s problems and negative emotions.
- The process of fighting is hilarious and it’s funny to some extent.
- The older child has the opportunity to feel its advantage, it can humiliate his opponent and it can grow in confidence. And the most important thing is the child can get what it wants by force.
- The youngest child likes to feel like a victim and thus to get more parental attention.
You may ask, “Why can’t children solve everything peacefully?” And we answer the same that we had said in the article about a child’s aggression – young children (who are younger than 15 years) don’t understand how to solve their problems peacefully. The use of force is the easiest and the best way to deal with the problem. Fighting is another good method to get rid of negative emotions and “blow off steam”.
So, let’s start with what you shouldn’t do when you hear or see your children fighting among themselves.
- You don’t have to physically separate and beat them individually. You’re an example to your children. Then they will understand that the use of force is the best way to solve the problem in any unclear situation. You cannot change anything in such a way.
- You don’t have to tell the older child “you are the older child!” which means that he is smarter, and as a result, it has to give up the younger brother or sister. After you say this, your firstborn won’t be willing to be the eldest child and to take responsibility. The youngest son or daughter will use its position to get what it wants.
The options on how to handle those type of situations
Children should have their belongings
Practice shows that if children have different toys (books, stationery, toys), they want to play more together. Therefore, if you have the opportunity, you should provide personal space for each child. Buy different things and mark them with various colors.
Both children are responsible for their behavior
It’s a bad idea to blame someone in particular. That child who initiated a misunderstanding between themselves also needs your attention and support. If you blame him for everything, he will feel abandoned.
Create a culture of respect in the family
Your own example always works. Children often repeat actions or words after us. If you yell at the older child, the older child will do the same to the younger one. Watch how you communicate with each other (husband and wife), how you communicate and interact. Much depends on the atmosphere you create in the house. Children feel, see and hear everything.
Children cannot solve their own problems
It happens when one of the parents says “Come on! They can deal with their problems!” But that’s not true. Fighting, resentment, anger and aggression are their weapons. Children have to learn the rules of humane and adequate communication. Who can tell them about all this? – Of course, Mom and Dad.
Each child must isolate itself from the other sometimes
If possible, go out or play with the children separately from time to time. It’s very good when children have hobbies and may not see each other all day. But when children intersect, they are happy to communicate and share their experiences.
And remember that fights between children are not normal. Parents should understand this and they should prevent their occurrence among their children.